That Moment

Do you have a nightmare?
Something that you truely dread.
You spend intentional time trying your best to prevent?

I do, and there was a moment today that I thought my moment had occured.

Let me give you the background. . .

Dave and I both feel called to the mission field. No question.
But what about Maggi and Emma?

Do they feel called?

When we brought them into our quest for missions, they cried themselves to sleep that night.

They have left their home, their family, thier friends, given up their school, their home church, some of their favorite toys, their dogs, their big back yard. . .

They have given up so much,

This itieneration journey has been tough for our family. We had hoped to be boarding a plane in the next few days and arriving in our new country ready for a New Thing. Waiting for God's timing and having faith for miracles is hard enough for us, but to continue to change dates, addresses, churches, etc is hard for these sweet girls.

Dave and I have prayed that all this transition would not affect them.

We are careful to not say negative things about our budget, or timetable, as to not to discourage them. We will go out of our way to find a park, or fun restaurant, or interesting landmark, and will say. . . "Itineration is so much fun!" "How many little girls get to go to . . . (blank) like ya'll do. We are purposelly trying to accentuate the positive.

My girls are so very different in how they process things, and how they express those feelings. We usually know what Emma is thinking, if she is missing something, or wants something she gave up, and we work through that. But Maggi, she internalizes things so much. She wouldn't want to say she is hurting or having a hard time with something, as to not disappoint us. She is a pleaser.

Last night we had been talking about how hurt Maggi has been over the loss of dog, and her constant desire for a new pet, and had started to talk through things, when a neighbor came over, and for one reason or another, we never made it back to that conversation.

So we were up bright and early for a service this morning in San Rafel.

Dave introduced us to the congregation as usual, and then has me introduce the girls. That all went well. Maggi and Emma usually sing their MK song, and if time and the church request Maggi will sing her song.

So she starts to sing her song
and after the first 5 lines

she stops and loses it

Starts crying, infront of the church, holding the microphone. . .

And that was my moment.

The moment where all of my fears come true. Itineration has caused damage. She has refused to go any further. She has decided to turn her back against me, her dad, and God.

That was what I was thinking.

Dave jumps up and goes to quietly hold her and assess the damage.

My heart is breaking for my sweet Maggi, Emma tries to run up to the stage, and I grab her, waiting to see what will happen between Dave and Maggi.

That Moment.

Before I know what is happening next, Dave is asking them to restart the CD, and Maggi starts over, and sings her song perfectly.

She comes to sit beside me, but I, decide to take them both out of the service to see what I could do to help start the healing process (and find out how quickly I could call Springfield and politely resign and tell them that cost was too great)

We are sitting on a park bench just outside the church on a perfect spring day, and I ask Maggi to talk to me.

She said, "The words to my song touched me and made me cry, because I want them to be true."

ok. . . .

Jesus take me right now.
This girls just stole my heart.
My children may never win a nobel peace prize, or hold a seat in the senate, or gain success judged by earthly standards.
But It doesn't get better than
That moment.

We have read the stories of Jim Elliot, Nate Saint, Amy Caarmichael, and Elizabeth Elliot and that was what has affected and changed them. Not all that they had "lost"

Later in the day, we drove up the California Coast, which was truely a Blessing from our Father. The California wildflowers were vibrant and in perfect display, the weather was amazing, and we found a perfect place on the beach to lay out a blanket and soak it all in. The girls laughed, found treasures, and got wet & sandy.

We all agreed that itineration sometimes was more than we could handle on our own, and then sometimes, on days like this, more than we deserve.

My sweet Maggi is growing and changing faster than I can keep up with. She does her own hair, she loves jewlery, and is starting to borrow her sissy's bows. She is beautiful, but the beauty on the outside is just a small reflection of what is on the inside.

Her moment came when she sang these words:

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?

Forgetting what the world has told me

Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

My Father, my love
You can have me

Lessons Learned from Around the Sewing Machine

My sweet mom peaceful left this earth, and softly drifted to heaven on Feb. 28th.

The miracle that we prayed for since learning of her diagnosis on August 29, 2011, almost exactly 6 months, gently blew in, and carried her up. She now no longer has cancer, and she is at peace.

And I have the amazing gift to know that she is Heaven, and the she loved the Lord, and that she thanked Him for taking care of her every step of the way. What better gift.

The last 7 months have been consumed with spending as much time possible with my mom. The blog took a back seat, the girls blog has gone by the way side, I have to say, our big push to get to Costa Rica slowed way down.

Instead I spent the fall in a couple of rocking chairs, just me and my mom, our feet propped up; me with ice tea, and her an ensure. We spent the winter working puzzles around her kitchen table.

Those seasons of this journey, I will always treasure.

So here we are now.

Spring.

New life right, time for something new?


I am not sure how to do that yet, start up again.

I want to share a little about my mom tonight. . .

There is something that instantly makes me think of my mother.

It is a sewing machine.
I have learned that it was not that specific machine, but just when my mother was at it. When the machine is turned on the needle is going up and down, and when the material is being pierced, there is a smell, that is recognizable to me. I know that sounds crazy, but I smelled it every time she sewed.



I will miss that.

I took home economics in 7th grade with Mrs. Faulkner, and was named seametress and homeacher of the year, It is true, HOMEMAKER of the year, partly due to the fact that my handmade dress, impressed Mrs. Faulkner so much. My mom did the button holes for me on that dress. (Don't worry, Mrs. Faulkner knew, and I still got the reward.) My mom always did the button holes for me, and now I am so mad at myself, because I don't know how to do them.

Where I grew up, there is a huge fabric warehouse, called Mary Joes. That place has some strong memories for me. I absolutely love this place. I remember as a little girl looking at books and books of patterns, and then picking out the best fabric to go with it. My mom made most of our clothes when we were little, and even my dad's suites. Mary Joes is a place that can bring back so many memories of my mom, such a good place, maybe like a backyard basketball hoop, or the kitchen for others, but for me, I'll take Mary Joes.

After 7th grade, my sewing intrest continued. I learned how to cut the patterns out, pin them to the material, carefully cut them out, and then my mom and worked on the project together. I still have the Christmas wreath we did that year.

My mom made Maggi and Emma's bedding for their nursery. Again, with fabric lovingly picked out at Mary Joes. My mom would make dresses for me to wear on the mission's trips I took. She made the clown costumes I would wear, and then I would leave them for the missionaries. She even made some of the dresses I wore on my honeymoon.

During those first few months of my mom's illness, I dusted off the sewing machine and put it in my bedroom.



Mostly because I had a lot of free time, remember Dave and the girls are in Cali, but also becasue I wanted to keep my mom's mind active. She again taught me so much. We made several dresses for Maggi and Emma. We had fun going to Mary Joes again.


Now for some lessons that I learned around the sewing machine . . .

Choose your pattern first, that becomes your guide, start with something easy, and work your way up, gaining confidence and skill with each new project.

Have fun picking out your fabric! This is where your personality comes through, mix stripes and polka dots, pink and red, plaids and flowers, be bold or soft. . .

Be careful when cutting your fabric, small mistakes or uneven edges make the project much more difficult later, so take your time and be careful.

Read the directions and follow the steps. Too often I didn't think it was really necessary to add the stich around the entire skirt. . . not acceptable (recently I sewed an inside and outside together because I didn't read all the steps).

And lastly, and most importantly, Have a good seam ripper. UGH. I had no idea my mom was a perfectionist, she made me rip so many seams and start over. However it was good to know, that if something doesn't turn out quite right, no worries, start over!

And lastly enjoy your final product! Have fun and LIVE.

Well my mom taught me alot more in life, but in my heart the last 6 months, the time spend around the sewing maching, will be a lasting memory for me.

This Christmas my mom gave each girl a sewing basket, a pair of sissors, and a seam ripper. . . so hopefully I can share some lessons around the sewing machine with them.


Is that what you call a legacy? I think so. . .

A Picture is worth 1000 words

OK, I found this post waiting to be uploaded, I think I didn't post it because I could not find a picture of my dad and Roxanne at our commissioning service, which speaks volumes 1) because my dad Hates his picture, , , so imagine if you will, my dad and Roxanne, in our picture where we are all dressed in yellow and black. . . and 2) there should be a picture somewhere, because it was a BIG deal that they were there.

But, this was a great way to show where all we were in just one year.

This is a crazy ride.

The first one was the girls last Easter after the girls got a call from the front desk, saying that the Easter Bunny left a basket. . . then there was a park in downtown Greenville, SC, mother's day at Daniel Stowe Garden, Maggi's honor star crowning, The grand canyon, my mom sky diving, the alamo, ice skating in South Dakota, Christmas in Clover. . .

We are learning to enjoy the ride, and are trying to take lots of pictures!

The Price Tag

I can not believe it is already the second week of 2012.

I am not sure how to catch people up with our story. It is hard enough for us to keep up.

But we are here!

As you can tell, our journey has taken us on uncharted, unmapped, and unplanned sidetrips.

The month of November went by in a flash. After being away from Dave and the girls for nearly 10 weeks, while being with my mom in South Carolina, I joined them in California. We were enjoyed our time together, and found the beauty of being together as a family as our major blessing.

We then packed up and drove across the country to spend time with my mom and family in South Carolina. We were able to visit churches along the way, and met the most amazing people. We became part of a true church family in Wyoming, where the people blessed us beyond we could have imagined with simple fellowship!

We were able to spend some amazing time in South Dakota with the Mettenbrink family. They are called to the country of Mexico, but Dave and I secretly pray that God will park them in the beautiful country of Costa Rica. We recharged and refreshed ourselves with this faithful family in the Black Hills.

The girls were able to see more amazing parts of the United States.

We made it back in time for Christmas Eve here in South Carolina.

We had the traditional Christmas Eve celebration at my mom's house, but we were all so blessed just to be able to have mom with us, our very own Christmas miracle.

Santa came on Christmas day, and as usual, totally spoiled those Cartwright girls.

And then our last tradition of the season, time spent at my dad's. Unhurried time, just enjoying hanging out around the tree (and as usual, the gifts that Santa and mom and dad didn't bring, magically appear at grandpa's house)

So here we are in January. Once again we are torn in 2 parts of the country. Dave is back in California, and the girls and I are in South Carolina. We are in full swing now with Home School, which I have to admit, I LOVE.

Dave comes back here next week, and we will visit churches here in South Carolina. That part was planned all along. So we will be here till the middle of Feb.

But when do we get to Costa Rica?

We are getting closer. . .

Our goal is to be there June/July of this summer. We are a little over 50% of the needed budget. Which is such a blessing. We were at 50% of our budget the beginning of the summer, but had a budget increase (which was huge) so we are finally back on the up swing again.

So what have we been doing?

We have been growing and learning. . . So much. . .
I wish the lessons we have learned in the last few months were the easy kind, but they have not been, they have been the kind where you can not move forward, without some serious time spent on your knees, in prayer, looking to the one who provides the answers. I can't say that I have been a great student, in fact it was quite the opposite. . .

But God is so faithful, and so patient.
(and I hope you are too)

I am reminded of a sermon by Pastor Gunn, where he was talking about God's plan being the only Plan for us. . . and a quote from that day was. . .

if our faith cost us nothing, men will value it as nothing

So I am learning that faith, is not something you can merely read about, or study, it is a journey that comes with a price.

Our prayer is that our faith becomes deeper and stronger than we ever thought, despite the circumstances that surround us. One that we value


The girls and I are going to really do a better job of telling our story. So please continue to stay with us in prayer, and in thought.

Now that I have access to a camera, a computer and beautiful girls, our blogging will hopefully be better!

How Great Thou Art

I know it has been a while since I was on here.
Our journey through life hit an unexpected curve.

Exactly one week after we had relocated to California for itineration purposes, I received a call from my mom. She had just been diagnosed with cancer. That was on a Monday, by Wed I kissed Dave and the girls goodbye, and bought a one way ticket back to South Carolina, to help my mom learn more about her diagnosis. On Thursday of that week she had a liver biopsy. As more time passed, we learned all the devastating details. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer that had metastasized to her liver, brain, and bone.

So just like that, the plans that I thought I had, were changed. I am so glad I serve a Father who has better plans for me.

Dave remains in California with Maggi and Emma. They are staying in Placerville, California with Dave's mom, Judy. They have set up their school area in her basement, and are adjusting really well to homeschooling. Dave and Judy take turns with different subjects, and the girls are doing well. They have also joined a co-op and participate in drama, art, and an astronomy class with other children.

I have the privilege of being back at home with my mom. Between my sister, brother, and aunts we are loving each minute we have with my mom. My mom, Teresa, is doing better. She decided to do palliative chemotherapy. We know that her diagnosis is terminal, but her eternity is held in someone els's hand. My mom has gotten strength from her Bible, prayers of friends and family around the world, and her relationship with our Father. I wanted to thank all of you who have offered your prayer support for her. She and I were humbled to know that you would spend a few minutes lifting her up in prayer.

As part of our daily routine, my mom and I go outside in the afternoon, and sit in the rocking chairs for a few minutes. Yesterday, as we sat outside on a beautiful fall day, enjoying the breeze, the deep blue sky, the changing leaves on the huge oak tree hovering over us, and just being with each other, the song from church on Sunday came to mind. We had sang "How Great Thou Art". So thanks to modern technology, we pulled the song up and immersed ourselves with the "Sonlight" and the words. . .

O Lord my God
When I in awesome wonder
consider all
the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars,
I hear the mighty thunder
the universe displayed;

when through the woods
and forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down
from lofty mountain grandeur
and hear the brook
and feel the gentle breeze;

then sings my soul,
my savior God to thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Savior God to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come,
with shouts of acclamation,
and take me home,
what joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
and there proclaim,
"My God, how Great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul,
my savior God to thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Savior God to Thee,
How great Thou art!

I hope that wherever you are, whatever your circumstances, that you have a few minutes to let Joy fill your heart and are able to proclaim, How Great He is. . .
How great Thou art!

Tears for our daughters

"Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of stregth"
Billy Graham

I am not sure where to start.
I have tried for a few days to articulate what my heart feels.
And there are just no words.

Dave and I have been in Kansas City, Missouri for a series of meetings. It is called the Compassion Forum. From Monday till Wed, we were part of a forum on human trafficking, and it has shaken my world.

It will forever change the way I think.
I will pray for Maggi and Emma very differently now.

I learned things like. . .
In India cattle cost more than children do.
(I can not wrap my mind around that. )

There are more slaves now than any other time in history.
There are 12.3 million adults and children in forced labor, bonded labor, and forced prostitution around the world.

Here in the United States, there are at least 100,000 children are used in prostitution every year. The average age of entry into prostitution is 13.

The average age is 13.
I can not comprehend that.

I caught a glimpse into the 3 largest industry in the world, next to drugs and weapons. That fathers will sell their children to brothels. The trafficker could purchase a little girl for as little as $150, that girl will then be sold to customers as many many as 20 times a night, and can bring in $10,000 a month.

I learned that father's are selling their daughters younger and younger to brothels, because there is a myth that if a person infected with AIDS has sex with a virgin he would be cured. So these men are infected 6-7 year old virgins with AIDS.

Girls and women are being beaten, drugged, and abused while living in the brothels. That they have no chance for escape.

Some families have been tricked into selling their children into the sex industry. Some knowingly sell their children, but sadly others are tricked into thinking that they are sending their children to a better life, schooling, or better jobs.

Many of these girls are forced into prostitution.

This is hard to understand all of this in statistics, the numbers are to hard to understand. Human trafficking seem so far away from home. . .

But is here in the United States. There are 100,000 children used in prostitution every year in the United States.

This tears my hear to pieces. I look at it from the perspective of my daughters, and the lives that they would be living, if but not for God's grace.

My heart is broken for these girls.

And today, I was thinking how much more must my Father's heart hurt. How much more grief does he feel?

I know that His hand is not short and His ear not deaf, so I know that He is reaching out to these daughters of His.

But what am I supposed to do about this? I can not sit by and do nothing. The country that He called me to is a destination for sexual tourism. Because prostitution is legal in Costa Rica, and because we live in a deprived country, we now have a large population of children who have been forced into prostitution. Costa Rica now rivals Thailand and the Philippines as a hot spot for human trafficking in the world. There are no official statistics, but an estimation is that there are between 10,000 and 20,000 sex workers in the country, and 25,000 to 50,000 sex tourist who visit each year, 80% of whom are U.S. citizens.

What will I do about this. What does God want me to do about this?

My heart has been stirred, my soul is seeking and I am waiting. . . I want to do something to impact this. To change the destiny of a little girl, before she is forced into this life.

Please join me in prayer for this, these women need to be reached, by the power of our Father, and His reconciliation, hope, and healing need to be offered to these women.

I don't know what our ministry will look like in Costa Rica. But I want to make myself available to show Christ's love to the most marginalized of society.


I have been reading, for the 3rd time a book by David and Beth Grant, Assemblies of God missionaries to India, called Beyond the Soiled Curtain. Below are some of the statements that gripped me.

"it is too easy to relgate girls caught in prostitution to statistics. But it is crucial that every girl be recognized as a daughter-a daughter of God and a sister to every believer. Perhaps then when we see them as members of God's family- we will be more inclined to make the sacrifices necessary to welcome them home."

"But how does one confront the dark and dangerous face of evil called suxual trafficking and see victims. . .changed? The answer is found in God's Word, where it says He works through His people. He gives us strategies, courage, power, ideas and resources to be used for His glory, to reach out to women and girls in need. He desires to rescue and restore them more than we do. He is simply looking for people who are willing to do their part, to raise their hands and say, "Lord, show me what I can do".

That is where I am tonight. . .Lord here I am, with my hands raised. . . asking. . ."Lord, show me what I can do". . .






.

Survival Skills

"It's totally empty," says an AAA counselor. "There are no points of interest. We don't recommend it." The 287 mile stretch of U.S. 50 running from Ely to Fernley, Nev. passes nine towns, two abandoned mining camps, a few gas pumps and the occasional coyote. "we warn all motorist not to drive there," says the AAA rep, "unless they're confident of their survival skills."

a quote from Life Magazine describing Nevada's U. S. 50 as the Lonelist Road in America.

I suppose everyone needs a desert experience, Moses had one and a burning bush appeared, the Israelites wandered there for 40 years, Jesus had one and was tempted by Satan. So I guess it was time for the Cartwright's to have a desert experience.

We were driving across country from South Carolina to California, as part of a bigger journey to Costa Rica. We are relocating there to finish raising our budget. We had a two week trip planned. We stopped along the way to visit some friends, see some National treasures, and to attend General Council in Phoenix Arizona. On our last day of driving, we hoped in the car to make the last 7 hours of driving, and we noticed the car making a really odd sound. If you read the previous blog, you know that we had heard the noise from before, and I asked for prayer. The noise had stopped, and I really believed that God had answered the prayers, and "healed" our car. The noise turned into the car not acting right. This was at 8:00 in the morning. We had already loaded the car, and had checked out of the hotel.

Just to give you a picture of where we were. . . we were smack dab in the middle of NO WHERE. We had just driven about 4 hours the night before with only passing a few gas stations. Dave had been counting the cars that passed us, and for about 5 hours there had been 9 cars total that had passed us going in the opposite direction. When AAA named it the Lonelist Road in America it was for good reason.

Anyway, realizing we needed to find a place to have the car looked at, we realized we needed a plan. Right away we prayed. All four of us. Dave took us back to the hotel, and the girls and I were able to go back into the room. Dave took off with the car, and the trailor that has the things that we have left, after yard sales, give-aways, and long term storage. He manages to find a garage that can look at the car. They inspect it and tell us we need a new transmission.

Have you ever been at a place like this. . . a desert place. . . a lonely place. . .

It was a defining moment for our family. I really believe this.
I believe that God gives us what we need for that day.
And that day He gave us what we needed.

Writing this all out, I feel so silly for feeling like this was such a big defining moment, "so ya'll broke down in the desert, no big deal"
But we had just left our home, taken our kids out of a life that they loved, left family, dear friends, full time jobs, and a beautiful home, to follow after what we believed God had for us, only to be left alone in the desert.

We were not able to rent a car, as the closest place was 3 hours away, we couldn't rent a uhaul truck because there would have only been room for 3 of us, we had to be on a plane on Thursday, so we couldn't wait for it to be fixed. We were out of options. We were in a hotel room with 7 pieces of luggage, 2 girls, in the middle of the desert. It was a surreal experience.

There were so many emotions. .. they came in waves. . .But the common one, the one that prevailed, was

Thank You Lord. Thank you for keeping my family safe. Thank you for not letting us break down in the desert at night. Thank you for providing a hotel for my girls to be in. Thank you for keeping me in the palm of your hand, I don't deserve your kindness.

We were able to have family come and get us, and we made it back to Cali with all of our stuff, Our car is still in the desert, Dave and I will pick it back up on our back out, We flew back for a service we had scheduled in SC, and to pick up the Honda and drive it across country to a meeting called the compassion forum.

I am usually not a silver lining kinda girl. Normally I would be like, why did that have to happen, the cost of the repair is all we have left of our personal money, Maybe God is saying we shouldn't be doing what we are doing, we are not praying hard enough. . . ect.

But I was this time. I believe that it was exactly because people are praying for me, that God allowed us to make it to that town, and I believe that my family could have been harmed along the way except that we had prayer. I received 4 text messages and 1 facebook message from different people all telling me that they had been praying for my family. One person even woke up from a dream about us and begin to interceed for us.

So to end this very long post, We discovered that we have survival skills, we are confident of this. We spoke with our Father, We got on our knees, and we had faith. With these skills we can survive whatever the enemy tries to discourage us.