Tuesday, September 14, 2010
It has been a while. . . I have been processing alot.
The girls started back to school. And ballet, and horseback, and M-pact.
Dave and I are trying to toss around our schedules and the girls, and make it all work.
I have had some time to process what all our future may hold.
This is the week we are supposed to learn if we are invited back to Springfield for Canidate Orientation.
All of the paperwork and medical exams have been completed and are submitted.
There has been alot of prayer and pressing in.
I am going to have to confess, that I was a running a little. OK maybe alot.
I was starting to look at the cost.
The cost that a missionary pays.
Suddenly the things that aren't really important to me, became something that was going to have to be a huge sacrifice for me.
I was trying to come up with a plan for God, like where I was going to store my wedding dress, how we could pack the entire American Girl Collection, how can I get my pampered chef pizza stone to a third world country, you know things like that. . .
So it finally occured to me, that I had taken my eyes off the Lord, I started counting the "cost".
I was in "sticker shock".
I was loosing my focus.
There is a cost, but there is a cost to everyone who wholeheartedly serves the Lord. But what we gain is so much more.
I am not sure what our future holds, I really don't, but GOD is speaking and moving.
Just today as I sat outside on my chair on the backporch the words of Oswald Chambers came alive.
"Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision."
I didn't know Mr. Chambers, but that word was for me, for today.
Keep paying the price. I am ready. I am refocused. I want a fresh and new vision.
I want God to see that I am willing.
Beth Moore has a book of devotions called, Voices of the faithful. It is stories from missionaries around the world. Each month Beth starts with a focus. And wouldn't you know it, September spoke to me almost as an audible voice. Here a a few things she wrote for me, for this time in my life. . .
The Great Commission can not survive without sacrifice.
Sacrificial living is made bearable and even wonderful two ways. The first one is the absolute marrow-deep convicition that anthing we lose for the sake of Christ will turn to gain. We lay down our lives with the utmost confidence that the One we will find is the One who makes life worth more than a hill of beans. Living sacrificially is not only best for the kingdom, but it is best for us.
The second way sacrificial living is made bearable and wonderful is worship. Romans 12:1 tells us that living sacrifices offer spiritual worship to God. No worship is more expensive, more lavish that that which flows straight from the ache of sacrifice. Does it hurt? Worship God with the pain!. . . Worship Me with it (pain). Bring that ache to My altar, and I will esteem it as a lavish offering.
Trust Him. Worship Him and count your loss but gain.
Thank you Lord, for being faithful to me through my journey.