Moving Forward

We are moving forward.

We received the word yesterday, that we have been invited to attend the canidate orientation in Springfield in October.

We are still unsure of so many things, but we are moving. One phase of the wait is over.

We are clinging to II Corinthians 5:7, "For we walk by faith, not by sight."

We are learning so much about faith, and leaning on Him for things we can not see. It is a hard lesson, one that we seem to repeat many times.

The next part is a large one, as soon we will narrow in on the work and the place God has for our family.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. We are so blessed to have the support of our friends and family during this "walk".

Sticker Shock

It has been a while. . . I have been processing alot.

The girls started back to school. And ballet, and horseback, and M-pact.
Dave and I are trying to toss around our schedules and the girls, and make it all work.

I have had some time to process what all our future may hold.

This is the week we are supposed to learn if we are invited back to Springfield for Canidate Orientation.

All of the paperwork and medical exams have been completed and are submitted.

There has been alot of prayer and pressing in.

I am going to have to confess, that I was a running a little. OK maybe alot.

I was starting to look at the cost.
The cost that a missionary pays.

Suddenly the things that aren't really important to me, became something that was going to have to be a huge sacrifice for me.

I was trying to come up with a plan for God, like where I was going to store my wedding dress, how we could pack the entire American Girl Collection, how can I get my pampered chef pizza stone to a third world country, you know things like that. . .

So it finally occured to me, that I had taken my eyes off the Lord, I started counting the "cost".

I was in "sticker shock".

I was loosing my focus.

There is a cost, but there is a cost to everyone who wholeheartedly serves the Lord. But what we gain is so much more.

I am not sure what our future holds, I really don't, but GOD is speaking and moving.

Just today as I sat outside on my chair on the backporch the words of Oswald Chambers came alive.

"Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision."

I didn't know Mr. Chambers, but that word was for me, for today.

Keep paying the price. I am ready. I am refocused. I want a fresh and new vision.

I want God to see that I am willing.

Beth Moore has a book of devotions called, Voices of the faithful. It is stories from missionaries around the world. Each month Beth starts with a focus. And wouldn't you know it, September spoke to me almost as an audible voice. Here a a few things she wrote for me, for this time in my life. . .

The Great Commission can not survive without sacrifice.

Sacrificial living is made bearable and even wonderful two ways. The first one is the absolute marrow-deep convicition that anthing we lose for the sake of Christ will turn to gain. We lay down our lives with the utmost confidence that the One we will find is the One who makes life worth more than a hill of beans. Living sacrificially is not only best for the kingdom, but it is best for us.

The second way sacrificial living is made bearable and wonderful is worship. Romans 12:1 tells us that living sacrifices offer spiritual worship to God. No worship is more expensive, more lavish that that which flows straight from the ache of sacrifice. Does it hurt? Worship God with the pain!. . . Worship Me with it (pain). Bring that ache to My altar, and I will esteem it as a lavish offering.

Trust Him. Worship Him and count your loss but gain.

Thank you Lord, for being faithful to me through my journey.

First Day of school

Last Night Dave and I prayed over our sweet girls as they begin a new school year.

Over the Summer we found this valuable tool in how to pray for your children.

I thought I would share:

1. Pray that they will know Christ as a Saviour Early in Life.
Psalm 63:1,2 and 2 Timothy 3:15

here is an example: Father God, (1) I pray that my children would come to know you as their God and Savior Jesus Christ; or (2) thank you that my children know you as their God and Saviour Jesus Christ. I thank you that they will continue to seek you and your way to doing and being right. Put a hunger. and thirst in them for more of you. Help them to realize that you are their source for all things and only when they have a healthy vibrant relationship with you will they be fully satisfied. As their young hearts experience you, O God, reveal to them your power and glory. Help me as a parent, through my study of your Word, to reinforce and strengthen in them the knowledge they already have of the Scriptures. I thank you for their salvation which comes through faith in Christ Jesus and that this faith will grow as they learn to lean entirely on him in absolute trust and confidence in his over wisdom, and goodness, and I thank you for your faithfulness to keep them safe and secure. In Jesus' name. Amen!

2. Pray that they will have a hatred for sin. (Psalm 97:10)
"o you who love the Lord, hate evil; he preserves the lives of his saints (the children of God), he delivers them out of the hand of the wicked.

3. Pray that they will be caught when guilty. (Psalm 119:71)
"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I might learn of your statutes."

4. Pray that they will be protected from the evil on in each area of their lives: Spiritual, emotional, and physical (John 17:15)
"I don't ask that you will take them out of this world, but that you will keep them and protect them from the evil one."

5. Pray that they will have responsible attitude in their interpersonal relationships. (Daniel 6:3)
"Then this Daniel was distinguished above the presidents and the satraps because an excellent spirit was in him, and the king thought to set him over the whole realm."

6. Pray that they will respect people in authority over them. (Romans 13:1)
Let every person be loyally subject to the governing (civil) authorities: For there is no authority except from God (by his permission, his sanction) and those that exist do so by God's appointment."

7. Pray that they will desire the right kind of friends and be protected from the wrong friends. (Proverbs 1: 10-15)
"If they say, Come with us, let us lie in wait, let us ambush the innocent without cause; let us swallow them up alive as does Sheol. . .We shall find and take all kinds of precious goods (when our victims are put out of the way, we shall fill our houses with plunder; Throw in your lot with us and be a sworn brother and comrade; let us all have one purse in common--My son, do not walk in the way with them; restrain your foot from their path."

8. Pray that they, as will as their future mate, will be kept pure (I Corin 6: 14-20)
And God both raised the Lord to life and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not see and know that your bodies are members of Christ? Am I therefore to take the parts of Christ and make parts of a prostitute? Never! Never! or do you not know and realize that when a man joints himself to a prostitute he becomes one body with her? The two it is written shall become one flesh. But the person who is united to the Lord becomes on spirit with hi. Shun immorality and all sexual looseness (flee from impurity in thought, word, or deed). Any other sin which a man commits is one outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit who lives within you. Whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought with a price. So then, honor God and bring glory to hm in your body.

9. Pray that they will be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one.
(2 Corinthians 6: 14-17)
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness" or how can light have fellowship with darkness" what harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? What agreement can there be between a temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God; even as God said, I will dwell in and with and among them and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. So, come out from among, separate yourselves from them, says the Lord, and touch not unclean thing, then I will receive you kindly and treat you with favor.

10. Pray that they learn to submit totally to God and actively resist Satan in all circumstances. (James 4:7)
So be subject to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

11. Pray that they will be single-hearted, willing to be sold out to Jesus Christ (Romans 12: 1,2)
I appeal to you therefore brethren, to present all your faculties as a living sacrifice, holy and well pleasing to God, which your reasonable service and spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, to its external, superficial customs, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

12. Pray that they will be hedged in so they cannot find their way to wrong people or wrong places, and the wrong people cannot find their way to them. (Hosea 2:6)
Therefore I will block her path with thorn bushes, I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way"

I am praying these things over Maggi and Emma this school year.

System Error 99

Warning, this is going to be a long personal post. . .

On our last week in Costa Rica, my camera malfunctioned. I was at the award ceremony for Maggi and Emma, when it started. Literally hours from our vacation. After I snapped a picture, the camera screen said. . .

System Error 99, please turn the camera off and retry.

For those who know me well, know that I love taking pictures.
It is my thing.
I love trying to catch the one perfect picture that captures exactly what is happening or an expression that I want to remember for ever. I love looking at pictures from way back when. As soon as I see some pictures, the memory of the event becomes so real.

Anyway. . .

I love my camera. I saved my money for a while, researched the camera industry, asked people, and worked extra shifts for my camera and lenses.
I even took a class with a great friend who shares the love of pictures and photography.

So, I was really looking forward to some phototherapy while on vacation in Costa Rica. Beautiful sand, clear water, amazing wildlife, sweet southern girls. It was a perfect situation.

Until system error99.

I could tell you the detailed report of how I handled it, but lets just leave it at, it was not good. I was already having a melt down over other things, the one thing that I was looking forward to, was taken from me in a split second.

I tried several times, with different lenses, but still, system error99.

It was my last straw.

I had a great friend who let me borrow her camera, which I was very grateful for, but it was not my camera. Not the one I had brought the book from the states for to be able to take award winning pictures with.

But life goes on and so did vacation. I still have some great pictures of the vacation.

I tell you all this to tell you that I myself had a system error99.

Let me back a few days. Last Friday the family packed up and went to Lake Bowen with our long time friends, the Collins. Wes and Sherry became our friends shortly after Dave and I got married. They were the pastors of the church we attended as a newlywed couple. The first time we met them, they asked us to come over to their house after the evening service for an "afterglow". We were the first couple to arrive, and Sherry put a vacuum in my hands, and asked if I wouldn't mind to run that around the room a little before others got there.

And just like that we were friends. They became the family that Dave and I would model our family after. We watched them sacrificially serve the church body, come home, cherish the time with their children, and still have time to minister to us. We were at their house practically every Sunday night after that, and Sherry always fed us, and shared their home. We played many hours of cards with them.

There is alot of history between us. Good stuff. Life changing stuff. The stuff that binds you together. We are so blessed by our friendship.

OK back to last weekend. Sherry and I had a chance to catch up on each others lives, and I was able to tell her all about Costa Rica. And before we left to come home, Sherry got something out of her purse. She handed us a twenty dollar bill and told us to eat at our favorite Bar-B-Q place while we were in Springfield.

And that is when it started, my system error99.

I cried from Spartanburg to Clover. We were having friends over for dinner, and cried before they got here, a little while they were here, and then when they left.

The next morning Dave and I got on a plane to go to Springfield, MO for our Candidate evaluation. This is where we go for psyche evaluations, medical testing, dental xrays, etc, and the clencher, "the personal interview"

I cried some more on the plane.

I recognized that I was having the system error99.

The next part of the story is painfully honest.

I started running. Not physically (you know I can't do that it isn't even a pretty mental picture) but running from the call that has been placed on my life. Running from something that is so much bigger than I am, that I can't even wrap my mind around.

I told David I didn't want to be a missionary anymore. I couldn't do it, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't spiritual enough, to fat and unhealthy. I was going to have to tell them in the interview I was not going to do it. Sorry, end of story. Nothing to discuss. Lets go home.

What I didn't tell Dave, is that I heard the Lord speaking to me. Let me change that, I knew the Lord wanted to tell me something, but I specifically would not listen to him. I knew what He would say, but I didn't want to hear it. So I wouldn't listen to my IPOD, because that has music that inspires me, I wouldn't pray, because that would give God and opportunity to speak. I just ran.

Knowing what I was in, a strong spiritual battle, right before the interview, I had about 4 minutes of alone time. I quickly asked for prayer from a few friends before going into the interview. And they responded, and touched the throne of my father on my behalf, and He listened.

The interview went well, we think. But after, we believe to be a divine appointment. The person who performed the interview, encouraged us to spend a little time with the people with Health Care Ministries.

God Humbled me.

The next part is amazing. Butch (the man we had the interview with) walked us over to introduce us to some people from Health Care ministries. There were 3 women and 1 man in the room. And that all started looking at each other, kindof smiling. I thought great, another system error99. They asked us where we wanted to be assigned and a little about ourselves. We tell them we are nurses, and that we don't know where God is leading us, only that we want to use our nursing skills, to share the love of Christ with others, to build His church through compassion. I added that I love teaching women about childbirth and how to care for their babies. They started glancing around again.

And then

They say, this morning, we prayed,

LORD SEND US WORKERS.
LORD SEND US WORKERS.
LORD SEND US WORKERS.

They went on to say, we have so many needs, around the world, we wanted God to send us workers who were equipped and ready to serve.

Over the next few minutes, it got personal.

My husband connected with this. My husband who is 6 feet 4 inches, broad shoulders, big guy, a man of few words, melted. He wept, he wept the tears of man who was ready to be sent. He wept, because someone finally put to words, what we can not, He wept because He knew this is what his family has been prepared to do, what he will lead them to do. He became so excited to hear about simple acts that changed a peoples heart, and built a church in a community that once spit on the pastor. Because some was willing to be sent, touched someone in a compassionate way, met a physical need, all in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I wish I could tell you that I stopped running, but that would be a lie.

The next stop, we went to meet Craig with Convoy of Hope. This is a national and international program, that feeds children, responds to disaster, and meets peoples spiritual and physical needs. Craig is in charge of the International department that responds during a disaster. After Dave and Craig talk for a few minutes, the story goes something like this. . .
Craig says he served as a missionary in Romania, Dave responds by saying, I was there to. But they were there during different years.

A few minutes later, another connection had been made, Dave and Craig had worked together before Craig had become a missionary. Craig worked with the construction team that helped remodel the orphanage Dave help start. Another Divine Appointment.

You would think all these events would help calm my spirit.

But it had not.

I still had more tears. I felt like I was in mourning. Like my life was slipping away, a little bit by little bit. I still didn't want to listen to what the Lord was trying to say.

I don't know if I have ever had a time in my life, where I was acting like that. Knowing what I should be doing, but refusing to do it. I could sense the Lord so close, but denied Him access to my heart.

I don't know how far I though that would get me. Being outside God's covering would have to be the scariest place to be.

So, Dave and I had alot of alone time in the car and plane. We avoided, ok I tried to avoid any more discussion of the subject of missions.

But my husband is pretty awesome. He remained calm, and refused to give in to my fears and sprint backward. He wanted to know my biggest fears, and tried to find ways to solve them. I didn't really want to hear it.

I wanted him to know how painful some things were for me. Crazy ridiculous things. An example is my scrapbook closet. Any time over the last week that I think about scrapbooking, I cry. I cry because in my head I can't take my scrapbook closet with me. I cry because I can't take my supplies with me. I cry because I don't even know where I will store the books I have already completed. I cry because I associate scrapbooking with friends. All of it considered a loss for me. I cry now because I have friends are at scrapbook convention and I am not there.

I think the closer we have gotten to the final steps in this process, the more fear I have, and it became overwhelming. Where I should be digging in deeper with my prayer life, and going deeper in the Bible, I have not.

I need more of the Lord.

I let what I considered failure in Costa Rica dictate my attitude and behavior for the future. Isn't that just like our enemy.

System Error99.

It has been painful.
I am ready to move on.
I am ready to accept that I have alot to learn.
I need to become more dependant on my Father.
I need to be thankful for my husband who sees past my faults and believes in me.
I need to realize that I am a little scared, sad, nervous, and unsure of my future.
I need to learn to let go of material things.
I need to remember
"I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace"

Acts 20:24

From Jungle to Jungle

We are all in missions. Some are called to foreign lands. Some are called to the jungles of the workplace. Wherever you are called, serve the Lord in that place. Let Him demonstrate His power through your life so that others might experience Him through you today.

Os. Hillman

Home

We have finished our summer journey.
We are back home.
and it feels so good to be back home.

Our friends and neighbors, did a great job of helping us ease back into the states. We felt so blessed to have friends who would pick us up at midnight, let us do 8 or 9 loads of laundry, provide cake and icecream, and disrupt their routine. And was overwhelmed to come home to find our home clean, the fridge stocked with fresh summer fruit, dinner, and desert, and a wonderful sign welcoming us home.

We were so humbled. Thank you for our warm welcome.





We are mostly unpacked now. We have our treasures from the oceanside, our letters that friends and family sent us, we even have some sand and dirt in the bottom of our suitcases.

Now we are settling back into summer.

I have been asked if I was able to communicate in Spanish, and honostly I am not able to. I understand alot more than I can say. While we were there in Costa Rica we were at the point where we were able to start to form sentences. They are very simple sentences. I am hoping to be able to really practice my Spanish at work, and do some on the job training.

We are also asked if we had a good time. That one is tough one to answer.
We did have a good time. We met alot of new friends. Ones that we hope to be ministering side by side one day. We saw so many beautiful new things and places. We were so blessed to go to many different parts of the country of Costa Rica. Almost every weekend we went somewhere new. The things that we were able to do overwhelms us. My girls will never know how blessed they were to participate in the activities they were exposed to.

My family was amazing. The girls loved Costa Rica. They adapted so quickly. The loved the challenges of a new way of living. The were able to quickly communicate with those around them, and even got high marks for their phoenitics. They are ready to win the lost for the Lord, ready to go to any new country. They both feel they are ready to be missionaries, and are excited to find out where God will lead us (so am I for that matter).

They also realize that we were not on the mission field when we were there. They understood that the activites like horseback riding, or zip lining, would not be the normal way of life. They are still ready to go back.

They made sacrifices while there. They gave one of the things that were most important to them, "silly bands". This was no easy thing, let me assure you. But in the end, they called it their silly band sacrifice, to "reach" the children around the world. They have even prayed for the children that receive the bands, that they will come to know the Lord, as our missionary friends give them the silly bands.



The girls didn't complain about their bug bites, or having to walk a ways to get to the grocery store, etc. And God kept them safe. Emma did end up with a staph infection from a spider bite, but we were able to take care of it before we left. I praise God for His hand of protection on my babies.

David also did great. That man will go to great lengths to make sure his family is comfortable and safe. He keeps us well feed, and pays a great price to give his wife the things that make her happy.


(those were the most expensive cheezits I have ever eaten. But they were good.)


But I am going to be honost. It was hard too.
I found my self struggling with a call that was placed on my life over 20 years ago. The frustration and exhaustion of everyday living became a huge burden to me. Which then made me question if I had the charactor needed to do such an amazing call. I felt very raw and exposed.

The enemy wages such a strong war, and uses such powerful tools. I was not ready for that battle. I don't know why I was caught off guard. I wish I would have been stronger, not complained as much, not wavered. I have so much to learn. I need to really learn to live the Word, to hide it my heart. I need to believe His word. I need to learn how to "enjoy" and not just "endure".

I have so much to learn.

I can't remember if I have used this before, but this statement if from David Livingstone who was a Scottish missionary, doctor, and explorer who helped open the heart of Africa to missions.

"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me.
Lay any burden on me,
only sustain me.
Sever any ties but the tie that binds me to Thy service
and to They heart."

I want this to be my prayer. I fall so often, I need God's forgiveness and strength. I am so glad I serve a God who is there to walk beside me, and forgives me, who strengthens me.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thig I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to witn the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

Operation Vacation

Friday, we got all packed up and tried to head out of town.
But living in Central America, you don't always get what you bargained, or even paid for.
We had rented a 7 passenger 4 wheel drive, and ended up with a 5 passenger. We needed a bigger car, because we had invited some friends along for the weekend.

So, we were left with the option of taking the car, or taking nothing. So we all piled in and put our luggage on top of the car again. The girls rode in the cargo part of the car. We are not going to win any awards, for the safest parents in town, but, that is how it goes. The girls loved it. They named themselves the "talking luggage".


We had the apartment we called home packed up, the car and talking luggage secure, and needed to make one phone call before heading out. Well the phone call was to the property manager of the house we were going to rent to give her an approximate time of arrival. She informed us that someone was in the house, and our reservations were going to be for the next day.

So we were in a little bit of a panic. But we were able to find a place to stay, and the owner of the home refunded that night's stay.

God takes care of us in so many ways.

We were finally on the road, about 3 hours later, but on the roads of Central America none the less. Once you get out of the city of San Jose, things are much easier. You have to watch out for potholes the size of bathtubs, and the occasional monkey, but then you are good to go. Our drive was uneventful.



We arrived in Manuel Antonio for the first part of our week of vacation. The house we stayed out was wonderful. We were able to sit on the rocking chairs of our balcony and watch the slow moving sloths, the howler monkeys, the capuchin monkeys and the tizi monkeys. We even hand fed the tizi monkeys. It was such a treat to stay there.



On Sunday we went to the national park of Manuel Antonio. What an amazing place. We know understand why people LOVE Costa Rica. On our hike through the park we saw, monkeys, sloths, a boa constrictor, agoutis, iguanas, bats, and a poisonous tree. The water was beautiful. It was a great start to a much needed vacation.

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We brought our new friends Lorin and Rebecca Harris with us. They got married in December, and had honeymooned in Manuel Antonio. They were alot of fun to be around. We had alot of good food, and enjoyed playing cards, and watching the wildlife with them.




On Monday we took a catamaran tour. So we were able to watch the dolphin play along side the boat, did a little snorkeling, and had some fresh pineapple smoothies. After lunch, we lifted up the sail, and cruised back. What a relaxing afternoon. Emma said, and I quote, "we are living the dream".


Tuesday, we drove the Pan American highway to our final destination, Playa Conchal. This is a gem of a place. We have this beautiful white sand beside aqua blue water. We feel so pampered. We rented a condo in a reserve here. We were able to get a great price, because this is the off season in Costa Rica. The reserve has a pool, steps away from the ocean. The staff here will take a lounge chair for you and place it ride beside the ocean, underneath the shade of the tree. So you can go for a swim in the ocean, and then cool off in the refreshing pool.



After some stressful weeks of trying to learn a language, and adapt to a new culture, this vacation has been . . .replenishing.

We feel so spoiled.

God has blessed us with an amazing time.

Our only regret, is that our friends and family can not be here with us.